i've been wondering why everything is so cliche.
why is it that everything i do or write is cliche?
why am i so cliche?
why are you so cliche?
"i'm patiently waiting for your next phone call
the next excuse for losing sleep again"
i promised myself that would stop doing this, stop being so hard on myself, stop pretending, stop remembering. but i think the stop light turned green, and i've started again.
"it's like i'm searching in a dark room. i know there's something there to find but it's so dark that i can't see it"
i think that this week made me realize how much of an idiot i really am. funny how i can go from one thing to the next, without any reason. i just did it again.
"let's pack up and move to california"
wait, i've got another one
"these are the things we got through, let's take control and be ourselves, let's not waste time wondering about how we're going to make it out"
so i just figured i show you one of the poems i wrote for the conference
Shades of Black and White
Desperation sets my heart aflame
Happy isn’t a word in my dictionary
Misery is the only expression I know
Humanity coloured in black and white
And I live in a colourless world
And I live in a broken world
And what is this?
I’ve fallen into a black hole
An empty place where no one cares
I want to break free, run, escape this place I call home
Momma told me I should pray
Dear Lord, if you’re real, save me from this hell
Amen
I need to run away, break away, and fly
Off to someplace
Where I can witness my first bright day
for some reason, i'm feeling broken. it's not the usual broken that i'm feeling, it's something different, something new. it feels like i've been here, maybe, maybe once before, maybe. somebody needs to kick out my feet from under me, but when they do, i hope they're not there to catch me, because i need a touch of reality, a touch of realism. right now life seems unrealistic, like it's happening all in a dream. a dream that i can't wake from, and something unknown. something else, i know it's there. i need a light shone in my eyes.
"and no i won't say it, i won't say it"
i think this is the last time, the last time, oh god i hope it's the last time. i've told myself this before, many times before, dammit, many times before.
and this is different from everything i've said
You're everywhere I see
from molecules to trees
And when you're far from me
the earth falls to its knees
Everything falls apart
when you're not here
Everything falls apart
I need to say I need you
Fall - The Send
4 comments:
wow i totally read this as if it was on your other site. then when i realized it was here, i had to re-read it.
love the first picture. i love swings...but you already knew that.
cliche! ARG! you know what my recent goal has been? avoiding cliche (probably contributes to the fact that i hardly ever post anymore)
Q: is ones own personality an unavoidable cliche? once you "/know/" yourself, are you your own inescapable cliche?
A:?
california is cliche. whats your equivalent to california?
i actually really want to talk to you about this week. hear what you thought really. or whatever. but ya.
i read that poem favourite part: the prayer
why is it that bad things have to happen so taht you feel real. andy, you've said that before too. (just not quite in those words). and im not denying it about myself either.
wow taht was long. im proud;)
o , and one more thing. the swings are cliche. but i still love them. awesome.
A: you never really "know" yourself, 'cause you keep finding out something new all the time, at least for me.
getting out of here, out of this country, is my equivalent. of course going to california has always been something i want to do.
and the swings are cliche, that's why i put the picture up.
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